A Psychadellic Grape Trip

Stuck at the bottom of the imagination with no way out I peer longingly into the garden I can’t reach. Lying with my face pressed against the small opening staring into the lush oasis. I try to work backwards through the answers I have already found hoping to discover some way out of this hole. I ask myself “If to have an expert palate is to be a person who practices the skill of tasting something they desire, who has become knowledgeable on the subject by refining their skill through passion and enthusiasm, how does one, acquire the skill of practicing all of these things?” I gaze at the words the creature has dropped in the flowers wishing I could reach them.

I can see a fabulous vineyard in the distance with amazing vines neatly stung into perfect rows. The most delicious looking fruit hangs in magnificent clusters from the vine’s canes. I stretch my arms through the hole craving a taste of the succulent globes. Surprisingly, on the other side of the door perspective has changed and the landscape still in perfect proportion is reachable. Reaching the desired grapes easily I try the amazing fruit, and soon after tasting the grapes I begin to feel a tingling throughout my entire body. I notice all of a sudden that I am shrinking. The grapes must possess some magical power and soon I am small enough to pass through the door.

Free at last to roam in the garden, I run to pick up the words. First finding the phrase, to acquire is to: and just as in the tunnel as soon as I touch it the words diminished into bite sized pieces. Get, gain, obtain and attain are scattered near by all of which I gather and swallow immediately. But, this time there isn’t a rumbling in my belly and a supernatural definition doesn’t appear in my head. Wandering through the beautiful garden I hope to find the white word creature again.

I begin to imagine that my brain houses a hookah smoking caterpillar who eats nothing but magic grapes from the vineyard in my head. He exhales looming questions that spiral into words spelt out in the smoke. I decide to take a chance and venture towards the enchanted vines hoping to find the mystic caterpillar. After searching for days among the rows of thoughts I find nothing, until one day I see smoke curling through the air. I run towards the fumes and to my amazement I see him puffing and munching away in the distance. There he is lounging in the shade of the magnificent foliage.

As soon as I reach him, before I can say anything he lets out a huge cloud of smoke that corkscrews its self into words that spell, “to attain or to obtain?” Suddenly he speaks, with words of smoke pouring out of him mimicking his speech, “Obtain is to: gain, take or find, and attain is to: reach, accomplish or conquer; however both obtain and attain mean to achieve”. He continues snacking and smoking away. “Would you like a grape?” he offers. “If I was you I would have a grape they are wonderful it’s all I eat” was his next remark.

Deciding to take the advice of the caterpillar I eat his grapes. Soon after swallowing his grapes I begin to feel strange and the hallucinations begin. I can see words but they are all gibberish. “Have another grape” the caterpillar says handing me a lush cluster. I take his grapes and scarf them down, the hallucinations become stronger, and this time I can make words out of the visions.

The caterpillar only speaks of his coveted grapes offering me more. In my delirious daze I gorge on magic grapes until words clearly present themselves “achieve is to: realize, understand, grasp or appreciate”. Suddenly the delusions make sense and it is obvious that to achieve an expert palate one must understand, grasp or appreciated the skill of tasting, testing, and trying the thing one has a hunger, craving or desire for. One gains knowledge of the subject by refining, judging and discriminating one’s findings with passion, excitement and enthusiasm crowning them with an expert palate. Content and full I drift into sleep curled up beneath the canopy of the grape vines.

I slip into a nightmare of the horrible blind assumptions I make when judging a wine with no understanding of what I’m about to taste. Relying on nothing but the frilly blurbs found on the backs of wine bottles in conjunction with complicated rating systems based on some wine critics assemblage of points. Suddenly, the caterpillar invades my slumber and he asks the smoke filled question “What is the best way to judge a wine?” He answers his own question almost immediately, as if he knows I don’t have an answer. “There are six key factors one should consider when contemplating a wine.” “These tips will help you navigate your way through your next wine adventure”, and without warning he disappears in a cloud of smoke.

I am ripped from my siesta and wake up somewhere between fantasy land and reality with darkness all around me. I am hung over and groggy from the psychadellic grape trip and the caterpillar is no where to be found. I get up and look around but can’t find anything recognizable, until I trip over something. It’s a wine bottle with a message in it. I fish the message out of the bottle and it reads “appearance, nose, palate, body, length and balance.” And on the back side of the note it reads “drink me because I’m drinkable”.


To be continued……..